Friday, April 1, 2011

Just put it out there!

WOW! What happened here?! I was on such a roll of keeping this blog up to date and then *BOOM* dropped off the face of the earth.
I'm still here and I'm still kicking! Just been extremely busy and my mind running 90 miles an hour. I really need to learn how to slow that down! :-) Maybe a speed bump or two would do the trick.
On my front, my Pampered Chef business has been doing so well, I am completely amazed every time I leave a Host home. I have sold many things and this is the first thing I have sold that I actually have had parties. And this Sunday will be my 19th party and my first with a host that I do not know. While I am ever so thankful for this, I feel like I am leaving part of my "dream" behind me. Which has me constantly contemplating what I am doing with my life. Before Josie, I never really considered what i was doing and where I was going with my life. I just always knew I wanted a family and I didn't have that yet. So I guess that you would say that was my "goal" in life. Now I have that family created by us and our gorgeous and funny little daughter, but now my "goal" is done. So now what?!
I started the Pampered Chef business with the intention of making up my pay if possible from taking one day off of work. Then I had to start working 5 days again, so then it just became "bonus" money to use to buy what I wanted with my photography but to keep photography to a minimum and just concentrate on us. But there is this nagging feeling that is in my brain, you might as well say 24/7 that i should pursue this photography gig again! I have tried to calm my brain by telling myself how I was going to accomplish this and that I wanted everything set up the way it should be from the beginning with the intention of going full time in at least 5 years. But I am a very impatient person, I want it all and I want it NOW! Hmmm, wonder where Josie gets it from?!
I am also very full of self-doubt. Am I good enough? Will someone pay me what it is really worth for my time in taking the photos and post processing every single image? Will I ever be able to make a living from my dream?
I have taken two "photo shoots" this past month and even though everyone has complemented on them, I am always thinking-
Do they really mean it?
Do they really like them?
Are they going to want to put them in their home and show them to their family and friends?
Will those family and friends like them so much that they will contact me to do the same for them?
I just don't know what direction to head! I am still planning on using the Pampered Chef money in purchasing the lenses, flashes and classes that I want. But will it ever come to realization that I can really do this if I put my mind to it?
What are your self-doubts and how did you overcome them? Are you living your dream, or just simply living?

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